Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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