Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
