Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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