i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
