the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
