He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
