and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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