she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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