I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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