the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
