What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
