it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
