when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
