I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
