just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
