OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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