I think my fart just growled at me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
