i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
