Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
