Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
