Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
