i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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