You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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