you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
