I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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