Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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