You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
