I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
