I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
