He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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