I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
