I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
