Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
