Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
