Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
