Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
