All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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