I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
