so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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