They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
