Heybabeimwearingurpanties
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
