I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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