I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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