if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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