Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
