I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
