I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
