New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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