We won't sleep together?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
