He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
