Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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