even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
