How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
