This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
