Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
