My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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