you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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