Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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